dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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