My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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