There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
