Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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