i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
