I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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