I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
