She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
