Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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