Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
