Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
