Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
