I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
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