My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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