She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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