His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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