Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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