Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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