My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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