Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
