I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
