I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
