Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
smell my finger.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
