Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
