She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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