Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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