I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
