It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
