my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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