I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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