I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
