I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
