So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
