For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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