I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My vagina is officially offended.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
