don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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