We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
