She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
