after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
