hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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