I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
