Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
