i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
