So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
