I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
