My nipple is on Facebook.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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