that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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