Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
