I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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