I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
