Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
