So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
