we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
