I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize