i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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