What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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