I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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