i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
