There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
