I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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