His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
