he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
