it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
only you would photoshop your dick
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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