You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
