Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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