Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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