i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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