I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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