Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
