I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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