she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
