I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
