he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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