were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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