How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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