she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
