R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
