dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
