I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize