My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
