Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
