for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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