Quick, to the slutcave!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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