I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
