im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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