I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
