So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
