You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
