She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
