dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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