it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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