whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
