i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
