Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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