I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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