Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
