The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
