can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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