Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
