I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
