i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
