WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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