Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
