I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
