I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
